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Θέμα: J o k e s

  1. #11
    💢 🌙 💜 💢 Το avatar του χρήστη Phaedra
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    23-01-2006
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    ..always somewhere..
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    6.676
    Παράθεση Αρχικό μήνυμα απο boubouka Εμφάνιση μηνυμάτων
    Τι γλύκα που είναι το σκυλάκι.
    I`m not sure I know what you`re talking about, dear...

  2. #12
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
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    20-12-2005
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    Why, Why, Why ???

    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

    Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle it comes in?

    Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

    Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

    Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

    Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

    Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

    Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

    How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

    Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

    In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

    How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

    And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  3. #13
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
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    How to recruit the right person for the right job ??

    Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyse the situation.

    If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.
    If they are recounting them. Put them in auditing.
    If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering.
    If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning.
    If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations.
    If they are sleeping. Put them in reception
    If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information technology.
    If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.
    If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.
    If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.
    If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning.
    And then last but not least.
    If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
    Congratulate them and put them in top management.

  4. #14
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
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    How to tell if you have smelly feet!









    Τελευταία επεξεργασία από το χρήστη vivtory1 : 11-03-07 στις 03:15

  5. #15
    Peri ΧΑΡΗΣ Το avatar του χρήστη ΕΦΗ
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    15-12-2005
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    An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a visa.
    Consul: What is your name?
    Arab: Abdul Aziz
    Consul: Sex?
    Arab: Six to ten times a week
    Consul: I mean, male or female?
    Arab: both male and female and sometimes even camels
    Consul: Holy cow!
    Arab: Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
    Consul: Man,........isn't it hostile?
    Arab: Horse style, dog style, any style
    Consul: Oh..........dear!
    Arab: Deer? No deer, they run too fast> ...> !!!
    " ΤΙΠΟΤΑ ΔΕΝ ΕΙΝΑΙ ΤΥΧΑΙΟ "

    " ο Θεός να με φυλαει απ τους φίλους μου.Τους εχθρούς μου τους ξέρω"

    "Ποτέ μη λογομαχείς με έναν βλάκα, θα σε ριξει στο επιπεδό του και θα σε νικησει λόγω πείρας"

  6. #16
    Peri ΧΑΡΗΣ Το avatar του χρήστη ΕΦΗ
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    15-12-2005
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    One for the ladies


    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-
    shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
    "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
    "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
    He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."
    And they say blondes are dumb...

    A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
    "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
    The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

    "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of
    the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed
    the lawn like this?"
    "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
    A: A rumor

    A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding
    anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that
    because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish
    The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
    Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
    The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
    Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
    Gotta love that fairy!

    Dear Lord,
    I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience
    for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to
    death.
    AMEN



    Q: Why do little boys whine?
    A: They are practicing to be men.

    Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
    A: Trustworthy.

    Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
    calling your name?
    A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

    Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
    A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
    " ΤΙΠΟΤΑ ΔΕΝ ΕΙΝΑΙ ΤΥΧΑΙΟ "

    " ο Θεός να με φυλαει απ τους φίλους μου.Τους εχθρούς μου τους ξέρω"

    "Ποτέ μη λογομαχείς με έναν βλάκα, θα σε ριξει στο επιπεδό του και θα σε νικησει λόγω πείρας"

  7. #17
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
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    20-12-2005
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    Super Husband!

    A man had 50 yard line tickets at the Super Bowl. As he sits down,
    another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next
    to him.
    "No," he says, "The seat is empty."
    "This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would
    have a seat like this for the Super Bowl and not use it?"

    The first man says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was
    supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the
    first
    Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1987."
    "Oh . . . I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you
    find someone else - - a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take
    the seat?"

    The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

  8. #18
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
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    20-12-2005
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    6.377



  9. #19
    💢 🌙 💜 💢 Το avatar του χρήστη Phaedra
    Εγγραφή
    23-01-2006
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    ..always somewhere..
    Μηνύματα
    6.676

    Why to be Greek

    Why we should remember occasionally why we like being Greek...

    Because:

    - We have seas that you can drink in a glass

    - When you have "ravani" who gives a damn about "pudding"

    - We buy whole water-melons, not slices of...

    - "Kamaki" and "souvlaki" is the first kindergarten song we learn

    - The nibbles that come with ouzo can under no circumstances be worse than pub nibbles.

    - In Greece nights end the following morning

    - No other country has "flower-wars" in "bouzoukia"

    - We can drink one for the road and not have it drink us instead

    - We can indulge in smoking while drinking our coffee and not drink it like
    a shot and then go outside for a quick ciggie

    - Flirting is our national hobby

    - In Greece we all bitch about the Public Services Sector but we are all trying
    to be employed there

    - We never have enough money for anything but we always have money for
    "bouzoukia"

    - We have the mentality of "we can always do it tomorrow"

    - Whenever we get on a bus we will do anything humanly possible to get a seat

    - We don't try to present ourselves as prudes. We have the nerve to be naughty
    in broad daylight.

    - We are the first in line at the traffic lights but we still honk the horn
    to ourselves out of habit.

    - We know better how to spend than save.

    - We do not share the cost of petrol our car uses with the people we let on it.

    - We never visit someone empty-handed.

    - You can't explain to a foreigner what "kapsoura" is

    - Our blood is boiling

    - In Greece we still believe in the value of a family

    - Deep down, we are still good lads

    - Why always come through, even if it's at the last minute

    - We haven't been ran down by the 400 years of Turkish occupation

    - We went to war for 10 years for the heart of a woman

    - When foreigners couldn't invent their own words they stole ours

    - The word "filotimo" doesn't exist in any other language

    - Guitar and oboe are alright but there's no better sound than that of bouzouki

    - Lift a rock and you will find a Greek under it

    - We love and hate WITH PASSION

    - We go through difficult times with support from mates and not from a
    psychiatrist

    - Socrates, Aristotle and Pericles were Greeks

    - Melina Merkouri, Manos Hadjidakis and Odysseas Elytes were Greeks

    - The recipe "a la grec" is always the most delicious one

    - When others discovered cooked meat we already had high cholesterol

    - When we were building the Parthenon the rest of the world was sleeping on
    trees

    - We have shown the light to all the people that today pretend to be leaders by leading others to peace by warmongering

    - Feta cheese and olive oil are equal to the Greek temperament

    - "Sweet without"...and everyone automatically knows we are referring to
    a frappe

    - In our language we have different words for "loving" and for "being in love";
    and we know how to indulge passionately in both

    - We change mobile phone every year, car every three years and sexual partner every now and again

    - When others were wearing animal skins we were weaving fabrics delicate like a spider's web

    - The Greeks don't fight like heroes but heroes fight like the Greeks
    (Winston Churchill - 1941)

    - We don't put ketchup on our food. It tastes divine on its own

    - When we are in pain we know how to cry and dance "zeimpekiko" with our
    head held high

    - Love was a Greek god. That's why we know how to love

    - Even though we have a bad temper we forgive and forget

    - No one else is so proud of their heritage as we are

    - Although we acknowledge the danger, we dare...

    - 95% of the stars and planets in the sky have Greek names

    - We work to live and not live to work

    - If our country was not the most beautiful in the world the 12 Gods wouldn't
    have chosen it as their home

    - When we yell "hey, brother" in the street everybody turn their heads

    - Even Einstein admitted owing a lot to a Greek

    - Every time we talk about diets we are sitting at the dinner table

    - We talk loudly and our laugh comes from within

    - We are the only people to set off for coffee in the afternoon and end up
    drinking ouzo well into the small hours

    - When you have feta cheese who cares about Emental

    - Managed to unite the whole world under the Olympic Flame

    - We know how to say "I love you" in every possible way

    - We walk in the streets at two in the morning without feeling that we are
    in a deserted city

    - We are suckers for Souvlaki, soutzoukaki and the rest of the "light bites"

    - We say what we mean and we mean what we say

    - We have a solution for everything

    - We go against difficulties with a sharp sense of humour

    - The Olympic games were founded in Greece

    - When we want to enjoy the sun we have beaches and sea. We don't lie on the grass like bovine nor do we jump in fountains

    - We see blue skies and not grey

    - In the place we live all year round, every foreigner is trying to visit for
    one week in a year

    - Greece is one of the poorest countries with the richest residents

    - We know how to have fun

    - We are receptive towards foreign languages...but who speaks Greek well?

    - We drink and smoke more than everybody else and we live longer than everybody else

    - We wrote The Iliad and the foreigners made a movie of it after 2500 years

    - We like to consume money and fishes while still fresh

    - While we are a small country we have a big heart

    - The model of an ideal life is veeeery curvy

    - When we wear sandals we don't wear socks

    - The motto "Freedom or Death" is Greek

    - We get paid on a Friday and on Sunday morning we haven't got enough money even to buy cigarettes

    - ONLY IN GREECE YOU GO TO THE KEBAB SHOP, THE OWNER ASKS YOU IN THE FACE "WHAT SHALL I PUT IN?" AND NOT ONLY YOU DON'T TAKE OFFENCE BUT YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO TELL HIM "PUT EVERYTHING IN" AND ON TOP OF THAT YOU THANK HIM AS WELL.

  10. #20
    Περι-πλανητικός Το avatar του χρήστη thodoris7
    Εγγραφή
    06-12-2005
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    5.077
    A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to
    a
    very attractive woman.

    He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a
    moment.

    The women notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

    "No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I
    was
    just testing it."

    The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's
    so special about it?"

    Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

    The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

    "Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers...."

    The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I AM
    wearing knickers!"

    Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast.."
    «Η ψυχή που μπορεί να μιλήσει με τα μάτια, μπορεί και να φιλήσει με το βλέμμα»
    Δεν με πειράζει να πηγαίνω για δουλειά αλλά αυτή η 8ώρη αναμονή για να πάω σπίτι με σκοτώνει .
    Mofeu Ανανεωμένο : http://www.mofeu.eu/forum/forum.php

    Είσαι στο μυαλό κάτι μαγικό :

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