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Θέμα: J o k e s

  1. #41
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
    Εγγραφή
    20-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    N.Y
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    6.377
    Subject: Intelligent Riddle

    George Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your
    Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any
    tips you can give to me?"

    "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround
    your self with intelligent people."

    "Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really
    intelligent?"

    The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them
    to answer an intelligent riddle. "The Queen pushes a button on her
    intercom.

    "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

    Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"

    The Queen smiles "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and
    father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your
    sister. Who is it?"

    Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be
    me."

    "Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

    Bush goes back home to ask Dick Cheney, his vice president, the
    same question.

    "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child.
    It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

    "I'm not sure," says Cheney, "let me get back to you on that one."

    Cheney goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give
    him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes
    Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Cheney shouts, "Colin! Can
    you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and
    it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
    Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"

    Cheney smiles, and says, "Thanks!" Then, Cheney goes back to speak
    with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that
    riddle.
    It's Colin Powell."

    Bush gets up, stomps over to Cheney and angrily yells into his
    face,

    "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

  2. #42
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
    Εγγραφή
    20-12-2005
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    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
    Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful ...
    CAREFUL!
    Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO
    MANY!
    Turn them!
    TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said
    be CAREFUL!
    You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them!
    Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt
    them.
    You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT!
    THE SALT!"

    The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I
    don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

    The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I am driving with you in the car."---

  3. #43
    Peri ΦΗΜΟΣ Το avatar του χρήστη piscesau2000
    Εγγραφή
    07-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    sydney-australia
    Μηνύματα
    2.979
    Kitty rules

    1. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

    2. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

    3. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything-just sit and stare.

    4. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering":

    a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

    b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

    c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.

    d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep your aim in mind! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

    e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sur e to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

    5. WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

    6. BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so they cannot move.
    *~*Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.*~*

  4. #44
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
    Εγγραφή
    20-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    N.Y
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    50
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    6.377
    Petros the Archaeologist


    After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Italian scientists
    found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the
    conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more
    than 100 years ago.

    Not to be outdone by the Italians, in the weeks that followed, Turkish
    scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters. Shortly thereafter, headlines in
    Turkish newspapers read: "Turkish archaeologists have found traces of
    200-year old copper wire, and have concluded that their ancestors
    already had an advanced high-tech communications network one
    hundred years earlier than the Italians."

    One week later, "The Kathimerni", a Greek newspaper, reported the
    following: "After digging as deep as 30-meters in fields near Athens,
    Petros Petropoulos, a self-taught archeologist, reported that he found
    absolutely nothing. Petros has therefore concluded that 300-years ago,
    "Greeks were already using wireless."

  5. #45
    💢 🌙 💜 💢 Το avatar του χρήστη Phaedra
    Εγγραφή
    23-01-2006
    Περιοχή
    ..always somewhere..
    Μηνύματα
    6.676
    hohohoho .....

    ...' because Greeks do it.... first '

  6. #46
    Peri ΦΕΡΕΙΑΡΧΗΣ Το avatar του χρήστη ΜΑΡΚΟΣ
    Εγγραφή
    04-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    ΣΤΑ ΧΑΡΑΚΩΜΑΤΑ.....
    Ηλικία
    50
    Μηνύματα
    11.328
    Παράθεση Αρχικό μήνυμα απο vivtory1 Εμφάνιση μηνυμάτων
    Petros the Archaeologist


    After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Italian scientists
    found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the
    conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more
    than 100 years ago.

    Not to be outdone by the Italians, in the weeks that followed, Turkish
    scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters. Shortly thereafter, headlines in
    Turkish newspapers read: "Turkish archaeologists have found traces of
    200-year old copper wire, and have concluded that their ancestors
    already had an advanced high-tech communications network one
    hundred years earlier than the Italians."

    One week later, "The Kathimerni", a Greek newspaper, reported the
    following: "After digging as deep as 30-meters in fields near Athens,
    Petros Petropoulos, a self-taught archeologist, reported that he found
    absolutely nothing. Petros has therefore concluded that 300-years ago,
    "Greeks were already using wireless."
    ΗΑΗΑ,PERFECT
    ΠΟΤΕ ΜΗΝ κάνεις στους άλλους ότι και οι άλλοι ΔΕΝ θα ήθελες να κάνουν σε σένα.....




    ΟΛΟΙ ΟΙ ΚΑΛΟΙ ΧΩΡΑΤΕ..........

    EΠΙΣΚΕΦΘΕΙΤΕ το νέο online μου κατάστημα
    http://www.apiastos.gr

  7. #47
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
    Εγγραφή
    20-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    N.Y
    Ηλικία
    50
    Μηνύματα
    6.377
    Παράθεση Αρχικό μήνυμα απο Phaedra Εμφάνιση μηνυμάτων
    hohohoho .....

    ...' because Greeks do it.... first '

    no, no no, no, no.........

    Because Greeks do it better...

  8. #48
    💢 🌙 💜 💢 Το avatar του χρήστη Phaedra
    Εγγραφή
    23-01-2006
    Περιοχή
    ..always somewhere..
    Μηνύματα
    6.676
    Παράθεση Αρχικό μήνυμα απο vivtory1 Εμφάνιση μηνυμάτων
    no, no no, no, no.........

    Because Greeks do it better...

    Greeks do it first... and off course better....

    (this saying is widely known)

  9. #49
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
    Εγγραφή
    20-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    N.Y
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    > Dear family and friends:
    >
    > It's that time of year to take our annual senior
    > citizen test. Test for
    > Dementia
    >
    > Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of
    > the muscles. As we grow
    > older, it's important that we keep mentally alert.
    >
    > The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it"
    > also applies to the
    > brain, so...
    >
    > Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or
    > non-loss of intelligence.
    > So, take the following test presented here and
    > determine if you are losing it
    > or are still "with it."
    >
    > The spaces below are so you don't see the answers
    > until you have made your
    > own
    >
    > OK, relax, clear your mind and.. begin.
    >
    > 1. What do you put in a toaster?
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up
    > now and go do something
    > else. Try not to hurt yourself.
    >
    > If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > 2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do
    > cows drink?
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please
    > do not attempt the next
    > question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and
    > may even overheat. It may
    > be that you need to content yourself with reading
    > something more appropriate
    > such as Children's World. If you said "water" then
    > proceed to question 3.
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue
    > house is made from blue
    > bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and
    > a black house is made
    > from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said
    > "green bricks," what
    > the devil are you still doing here reading these
    > questions????? If you said
    > "glass," then go on to Question 4.
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > 4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at
    > 20,000 feet over
    > Germany. (If you will recall, Germany at the time
    > was politically divided
    > into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during
    > the flight, TWO of the
    > engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last
    > remaining engine is also
    > failing, decides on a crash landing procedure.
    > Unfortunately the engine fails
    > before he has time and the plane fatally crashes
    > smack in the middle of "no
    > man's land" between East Germany and West Germany.
    > Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany or
    > West Germany or in "no
    > man's land"?
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you
    > said
    >
    >
    >
    > ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must
    > NEVER try to rescue anyone
    > from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be
    > appreciated. If you said, "Don't
    > bury the survivors" then proceed to the next
    > question.
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > 5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a
    > degree every minute then how
    > many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or
    > anything other than "one
    > degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this
    > far, but you are
    > obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in
    > and exit the room.
    > Everyone else proceed to the final question.
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > 6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a
    > bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales.
    In London, 17 people get on the bus.
    > In Reading, > six people get off the bus and nine people get on.
    > In Swindon, two people get > off and four get on.
    In Cardiff, 11 people get off > and 16 people get in.
    In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on.
    In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on.
    You then arrive at Milford Haven.
    What was the name of the bus driver?
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember?
    > It was YOU!!
    >
    >
    > Now pass this along to all your "smart friends" and
    > hope they do better than
    > you did.
    Τελευταία επεξεργασία από το χρήστη vivtory1 : 30-07-07 στις 23:32

  10. #50
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
    Εγγραφή
    20-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    N.Y
    Ηλικία
    50
    Μηνύματα
    6.377
    PEOPLE ON A ROPE

    Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a
    helicopter, ten were men and one woman.
    The rope was not strong enough to carry them all,
    so they decided that one had to leave. Because otherwise
    they were all going to fall.
    They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave
    a very touching speech.
    She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope
    because, as a woman, she was used to giving up
    everything for her husband and kids, or for men in
    general, and was used to always making sacrifices with
    little in return.

    As soon as she finished her speech,
    all the men started clapping their hands.......

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