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Θέμα: J o k e s

  1. #51
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
    Εγγραφή
    20-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    N.Y
    Ηλικία
    50
    Μηνύματα
    6.377
    Little Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Margaret, who created the universe?"
    When Margaret didn't stir. Little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said "Very good" and Margaret fell back asleep.

    A while later the Nun asked Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Margaret didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said "Very Good". Margaret fell back asleep.

    Then the Nun asked Margaret a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again Johnny came to the rescue.
    This time Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

    The Nun fainted.

  2. #52
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
    Εγγραφή
    20-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    N.Y
    Ηλικία
    50
    Μηνύματα
    6.377
    An old Arab lives close to Ney York City for more than 40 years.

    He would love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and
    weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an
    e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant
    potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you helped me
    and dug up the garden for me. I love you, your father."

    The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son:
    "Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have
    hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed". At 4pm the US Army, the
    Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old
    man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything.
    Dissappointed they leave the house.

    Another day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son.
    "Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant
    your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed."

  3. #53
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
    Εγγραφή
    20-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    N.Y
    Ηλικία
    50
    Μηνύματα
    6.377
    ESTATE PLANNING 101

    Dan's elderly father was ill, and his health was failing. When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

    "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said, as he walked up to her. "But, in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
    Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening, and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

    *Women are so much smarter than men.*

  4. #54
    Peri ΦΗΜΟΣ Το avatar του χρήστη piscesau2000
    Εγγραφή
    07-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    sydney-australia
    Μηνύματα
    2.979
    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

    __________________________________________________ __________________
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    _____________________________________
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
    ________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Guess.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
    ______________________________________
    And the best for last:
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
    *~*Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.*~*

  5. #55
    Μιζαδόρος Το avatar του χρήστη boubouka
    Εγγραφή
    06-12-2005
    Μηνύματα
    6.438
    Τέλεια Πάτυ μου. Να μου βρεις σε παρακαλώ το τηλέφωνο του δικηγόρου, άμα χρειαστώ ποτέ να μην του τηλεφωνήσω.

  6. #56

  7. #57
    Peri ΟΔΕΥΩΝ
    Εγγραφή
    03-03-2006
    Μηνύματα
    451
    Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you something. Your answer will depend on what kind of car you get. You have to have a car in heaven because heaven is so big!"

    The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy, "How long were you married?"

    The first guy says, "Twenty-four years."

    "Did you ever cheat on your wife?" Peter asks.

    The guy says, "Yeah, seven times, but you said I was forgiven."

    Peter says, "Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to drive."

    The second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter. The second guy says, "I was married for forty-one years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out well."

    Peter says, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln."

    The third guy walks up and says, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for sixty-three years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"

    Peter says, "That's what I like to hear. Here'sa beautiful Jaguar for you!"

    A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto see the guy with the Jaguar crying his eyes out on the golden sidewalk. They couldn't understand why he would be crying, after all, he got the best car of all, because for 63 years, he never cheated on his wife. So they go to see what was the matter. When they ask the guy with the Jaguar what is wrong, he says, "I've just seen my wife and she was on a skateboard!"
    Τελευταία επεξεργασία από το χρήστη tina_ny : 04-11-07 στις 00:38

  8. #58
    Μιζαδόρος Το avatar του χρήστη boubouka
    Εγγραφή
    06-12-2005
    Μηνύματα
    6.438
    Καλόοοοοοοοοο Τίνα μου, πολύ καλό.

  9. #59
    Peri ΟΔΕΥΩΝ
    Εγγραφή
    03-03-2006
    Μηνύματα
    451
    to eidio joke se translation in greek:

    Τρεις antres πέθαναν και όταν έφτασαν στις μαργαριταρένιες πύλες, O ag. Petros τους συνάντησε εκεί. ο ag. Petros είπε, "ξέρω ότι έχετε συγχωρεθεί επειδή είστε εδώ. Προτού να σας αφήσω στον παράδεισο, πρέπει να σας ρωτήσω κάτι. Με την απάντησή σας, tha apofasiso ti είδος αυτοκινήτου παίρνετε. Πρέπει να έχετε ένα αυτοκίνητο στον παράδεισο, επειδή ο παράδεισος είναι τόσο μεγάλος!"

    Ο πρώτος άντρας περπατά επάνω και o ag. Petros ton ρωτά, "posa xronia eisouna esi pantremenos;" Ο πρώτος λέει, "24 xronia." "Εξαπατήσατε ποτέ tin σύζυγό σας;" o ag. petros ρωτά. Ο antras λέει, "ναι, 7 φορές, αλλά είπατε ότι συγχωρήθηκα." o ag. petros λέει, "ναι, αλλά den tha parete kalo aytokinito. Εδώ ena PUNTO tha odigas."

    Ο δεύτερος antras περπατά επάνω και παίρνει την ίδια ερώτηση από ton ag. Petro. Ο δεύτερος λέει, "παντρεύτηκα για 41 xronia και apatisa tin gynaika mou μιά φορά, αλλά αυτό ήταν το πρώτο xrono mono." o ag. Petros λέει, "aa entaksi, tote εδώ ένα LINCOLN aytokinito gia sena."

    Ο τρίτος antras περπατά επάνω και λέει, " ag petro, ξέρω τι πρόκειται να ρωτήσετε. Παντρεύτηκα για 63 xronia και δεν apatisa tin gynaika mou pote! Tin eixa την σύζυγό μου όπως μια βασίλισσα!" o ag. Petros λέει, "ayto επιθυμώ να ακούσω. Εδώ εσείς tha parete to pio akrivo aytokinito, ena JAGUAR!"

    meta apo ligi ora, οι δύο antres με το LINCOLN και PUNTO, βλέπουνε ayton με το akrivo JAGUAR aytokinito, na fonazei kai na xtipiete sto klama. den mporousan na katalavoun pos mpori na eine toso xalia me tetio oraia aytokinito, pou tou aksize vevea, afou den eixe apatisi pote tin gynaika tou 63 xronia. έτσι pigane na doune ti trexi. molis ton rotisan,aytos apantaei, " μόλις eida τη σύζυγό μου και ήταν me SKATEBOARD!!"
    Τελευταία επεξεργασία από το χρήστη tina_ny : 04-11-07 στις 00:43

  10. #60
    Peri ΟΔΕΥΩΝ
    Εγγραφή
    03-03-2006
    Μηνύματα
    451
    Παράθεση Αρχικό μήνυμα απο boubouka Εμφάνιση μηνυμάτων
    Καλόοοοοοοοοο Τίνα μου, πολύ καλό.
    XAXA OTAN TO EIXA PROTO AKOUSI AYTO EIXA SKASI STA GELEIA

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