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Θέμα: J o k e s

  1. #71
    Peri ΦΗΜΟΣ Το avatar του χρήστη piscesau2000
    Εγγραφή
    07-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    sydney-australia
    Μηνύματα
    2.979
    Subject: Kitty rules


    1. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

    2. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

    3. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything-just sit and stare.

    4. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering":

    a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

    b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

    c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.

    d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep your aim in mind! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

    e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sur e to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

    5. WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

    6. BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so they cannot move.
    *~*Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.*~*

  2. #72
    Peri ΦΗΜΟΣ Το avatar του χρήστη piscesau2000
    Εγγραφή
    07-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    sydney-australia
    Μηνύματα
    2.979
    Οι ανακαλύψεις του άνδρα και της γυναίκας:O άνδρας ανακάλυψε τα ΧΡΩΜΑΤΑ και δημιούργησε την ΖΩΓΡΑΦΙΚΗ, Η γυναίκα ανακάλυψε την ΖΩΓΡΑΦΙΚΗ & δημιούργησε το ΜΑΚΙΓΙΑΖ. O άνδρας ανακάλυψε τις ΛΕΞΕΙΣ και δημιούργησε την ΣΥΖΗΤΗΣΗ. Η γυναίκα ανακάλυψε την ΣΥΖΗΤΗΣΗ & δημιούργησε το ΚΟΥΤΣΟΜΠΟΛΙΟ. O άνδρας ανακάλυψε το ΠΑΙΧΝΙΔΙ & δημιούργησε τα ΧΑΡΤΙΑ. Η γυναίκα ανακάλυψε τα ΧΑΡΤΙΑ & δημιούργησε τα TAROT. Ο άνδρας ανακάλυψε την ΓΗ & δημιούργησε την ΤΡΟΦΗ Η γυναίκα ανακάλυψε την ΤΡΟΦΗ & δημιούργησε την ΔΙΑΙΤΑ. O άνδρας ανακάλυψε τα ΑΙΣΘΗΜΑΤΑ & δημιούργησε την ΑΓΑΠΗ, Η γυναίκα ανακάλυψε την ΑΓΑΠΗ & δημιούργησε τον ΓΑΜΟ. O άνδρας ανακάλυψε την ΓΥΝΑΙΚΑ & δημιούργησε το ΣΕΞ. Η γυναίκα ανακάλυψε το ΣΕΞ & δημιούργησε τον ΠΟΝΟΚΕΦΑΛΟ. O άνδρας ανακάλυψε το ΕΜΠΟΡΙΟ & δημιούργησε το ΧΡΗΜΑ,Η γυναίκα ανακάλυψε το ΧΡΗΜΑ & τα ΓΑΜΗΣΕ ΟΛΑ!!!!!!
    *~*Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.*~*

  3. #73
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
    Εγγραφή
    20-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    N.Y
    Ηλικία
    50
    Μηνύματα
    6.377
    I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

    The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
    My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

    When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

    Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response,

    'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

  4. #74
    💢 🌙 💜 💢 Το avatar του χρήστη Phaedra
    Εγγραφή
    23-01-2006
    Περιοχή
    ..always somewhere..
    Μηνύματα
    6.676
    That was a good one ...

  5. #75
    💢 🌙 💜 💢 Το avatar του χρήστη Phaedra
    Εγγραφή
    23-01-2006
    Περιοχή
    ..always somewhere..
    Μηνύματα
    6.676
    Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was
    always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up
    after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit."

    She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good
    cigarette after sex."

    He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever
    smoked, and he replied that he had never.

    Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's
    your excuse then?"

  6. #76
    Peri ΦΕΡΕΙΑΡΧΗΣ Το avatar του χρήστη ΜΑΡΚΟΣ
    Εγγραφή
    04-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    ΣΤΑ ΧΑΡΑΚΩΜΑΤΑ.....
    Ηλικία
    50
    Μηνύματα
    11.328
    The Century of
    'LESS'

    It is true..in the 21 st Century:

    Our communication - Wireless
    Our telephone - Cordless
    Our cooking - Fireless
    Our youth - Jobless
    Our Ladies - Topless
    Our food - Fatless
    Our labour - Effortless
    Our conduct - Worthless
    Our relation - Loveless
    Our attitude - Careless
    Our feelings - Heartless
    Our politics - Shameless
    Our education - Valueless
    Our follies - Countless
    Our arguments - Baseless
    Our boss - Brainless
    Our Job - Thankless
    Our Salary - Less and less
    ΠΟΤΕ ΜΗΝ κάνεις στους άλλους ότι και οι άλλοι ΔΕΝ θα ήθελες να κάνουν σε σένα.....




    ΟΛΟΙ ΟΙ ΚΑΛΟΙ ΧΩΡΑΤΕ..........

    EΠΙΣΚΕΦΘΕΙΤΕ το νέο online μου κατάστημα
    http://www.apiastos.gr

  7. #77
    💢 🌙 💜 💢 Το avatar του χρήστη Phaedra
    Εγγραφή
    23-01-2006
    Περιοχή
    ..always somewhere..
    Μηνύματα
    6.676
    Παράθεση Αρχικό μήνυμα απο ΜΑΡΚΟΣ Εμφάνιση μηνυμάτων
    The Century of 'LESS'

    ..To laugh or to cry ..



  8. #78
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
    Εγγραφή
    20-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    N.Y
    Ηλικία
    50
    Μηνύματα
    6.377
    Παράθεση Αρχικό μήνυμα απο ΜΑΡΚΟΣ Εμφάνιση μηνυμάτων
    The Century of
    'LESS'

    It is true..in the 21 st Century:

    Our communication - Wireless
    Our telephone - Cordless
    Our cooking - Fireless
    Our youth - Jobless
    Our Ladies - Topless
    Our food - Fatless
    Our labour - Effortless
    Our conduct - Worthless
    Our relation - Loveless
    Our attitude - Careless
    Our feelings - Heartless
    Our politics - Shameless
    Our education - Valueless
    Our follies - Countless
    Our arguments - Baseless
    Our boss - Brainless
    Our Job - Thankless
    Our Salary - Less and less
    to sit and wonder
    how we managed to
    drastically change our
    world and our lives
    in such a short time - pointless...

  9. #79
    💢 🌙 💜 💢 Το avatar του χρήστη Phaedra
    Εγγραφή
    23-01-2006
    Περιοχή
    ..always somewhere..
    Μηνύματα
    6.676


  10. #80
    Συντονίστρια Το avatar του χρήστη vivtory1
    Εγγραφή
    20-12-2005
    Περιοχή
    N.Y
    Ηλικία
    50
    Μηνύματα
    6.377

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